Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Way I Live My Life Matters

Motherhood is such a blessing, seriously...there is great joy in being a mom. And it also has its fair share of challenges and pain. And I'm still inclined to believe the joys will always far surpass any of the pain. When I found out I was pregnant, I had so many emotions, literally I don't think I've ever been shocked, happy, excited, confused and scared all at the same. Regardless, my pregnancy was another defining moment in my life--really defining. 

I was going to be someones mother. Talk about a heavy burden. I mean you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that mothers are really superheros in human bodies. Ok, you got me, so the thought of being my daughter's super hero had me turning cartwheels. I like many new moms, vowed that I would be the best mom I possibly could be and I meant it. So I decided I better talk the talk and walk the walk...and it has been a journey. I recently read a statement and it said "Just like when you toss a stone into the water and it ripples, your life ripples out and affects those around you. My life as a parent is like that stone, as I live my life before my daughter, I'm sending a ripple effect into her life. And I want that ripple effect to have a positive influence on her. 

I have to remember Jailyn is constantly watching me for cues on how she should live her life. And I am responsible for the way in which she is influenced. And I would commit a grave injustice against her and God if I decided to live my life carelessly before her. So, I've purposed that I will have a positive influence on my daughter. And just like anything else the decision to live my life full of purpose requires commitment, discipline and truth--the whole truth. 

My life ripples out, sets the standards and has an influence on my daughter and her life doesn't have to be left to chance. 

Here are just a few things I've committed to in living a purposeful and meaningful life before my daughter. 
  1. To openly share my love and relationship with God. To teach and help guide her on her spiritual journey as she develops her relationship with God. It is also as equally important that she is surrounded by other young girls and women who can also be mentors in this area. So, we attend church together. It's about relationship, not religion. 
  2. To love and honor myself and embrace all of my features and characteristics. And when I do decide to change something, it's because I want to and not from the pressures of this world. The freedom to choose. 
  3. Nurturing the love she has for her father unconditionally. I never say anything negative about her father to her or around her. This can damage the self-worth and self-esteem of young girls. It is not healthy for them or for you. 
  4. The "friend" factor. This is an absolute NO NO. As your children get older, the term "friend" is no longer cute. They know and they will say something about it either to themselves or to you. My rule is this, my daughter will not meet anyone that I'm dating until we've made a commitment to each other and after he's met her father. I don't believe in having male "friends" entertain me while in her presence. It would be helpful to establish a rule that any man you are dating should not meet any of your children until you've dated a significant amount of time. (by the way 2 weeks is not significant)  
  5. Have a life, let your child/children know that you have a life outside of them. You don't want them taking on the burden of feeling as if they can't do anything without you around. That's just not healthy. 
  6. Communicate! For goodness sake, please learn to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings to your child/children and around them. If you can clearly articulate your thoughts and feelings, chances are they will too. 
  7. Be honest! Don't put yourself in a situation where you have to lie to your child/children. It's better to not say anything at all--just don't lie. You can find ways to answer there questions appropriately. 
  8. Ok last one for this blog...your daughter is not your home girl. So keep her out of conversations that you would have with your girlfriends. Thank you!
  9. Ok, really this is the last one...be careful of adult women who are eager to be your daughter's BFF. Of course you want your child to have someone they can confide in, however make sure that adult person isn't trying to fill a childhood wound. Boundaries are important.
  10.  ~ Till next time

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